myself...
Remembering Jacko
He's one of my first idols ever...As a kid, I got nightmares after watching his video clip, Thriller. I learned to dance with his song, Beat It. I fell in love with his early style, the big glasses, golden suit, and curly hair.
I remembered skipping school to chase his Dangerous concert in Singapore. Only to get dissapointed because on the concert day, his performanced was canceled due to his health problems. So I waited another day. And it became one of the best concerts I've ever seen in my life. He proved that he was the real king of pop.
I regreted the media frenzy in his last days, bringing him down and down to the darkest side of him. The plastic surgeries, the marriage/baby phenomenon, and the scandals involving children.
Despite all the bad images, he never failed to amaze me. He's one of the greatest in our time. And I am very glad becoming a witness of his masterpieces.
Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night
Like A Sunset
Dying With The Rising Of The Moon
Gone Too Soon
Astrid at 7:10 PM The Daily 10
Bukan karena kebanyakan nonton E!Channel, tapi setiap orang pasti punya setidaknya 10 hal yang selalu ditemui sehari-hari, entah itu karena rutinitas yang sifatnya memaksa, atau pilihan yang disukai, atau malah sampai taraf kecanduan alias nggak bisa lepas dari hal tersebut.
Dan inilah kesepuluh highlight dalam hidup gue saat ini, a pregnant woman working from her appartment. One thing for sure, I miss those good old days with lots and lots of adventures!
1. Bangun jam setengah 6 pagi, hanya untuk nyiapin sarapan for my guy, biasanya setangkup roti dengan isi yang bervariasi udah cukup (simply because I'm too sleepy to do anything more complicated than that). Dan kembali tidur setelah melepas dia ke kantor. Fiuh. This is the time when I usually feel very grateful not to have working in office hour.
2. Menyalakan laptop saat jarum pendek jam sudah di atas angka 9. Mengecek email, ketawa-ketawa ngeliat status orang-orang di Facebook, dan blogwalking. (Sometimes, checking the news. But turned out it needs some scary-big-controversial news to make me open those news sites. Like the one with AA and RJ in it. Or Barca vs MU. Or simply some juicy infotainment junks).
3. americanidol.com. Situs yang rasanya nggak pernah absen untuk dibuka di saat show ini memasuki bulan-bulan serunya. Just thinking about Adam Lambert can cheer my days up!
4. Menu-menu restoran delivery yang berada di sekitar kompleks apartemen. Pilihan luar biasa banyak ini malah kadang membuat bingung, dan biasanya gue berakhir dengan perasaan kangen teramat sangat sama masakan rumah. Perkedel kentang dengan sayur asem dan daging sambal balado. Nyam nyam. Home sweet home. (Tapi sayangnya keinginan itu belum cukup kuat untuk membuat gue mulai menyingsingkan lengan baju dan menjajah dapur mungil gue).
5. Ellen DeGeneres show. Hmm...membuat siang-siang lebih menyegarkan dengan segala kegilaan dan kekocakannya. Gue suka sama Oprah, tapi nonton Oprah tiap hari (atau baca majalahnya tiap bulan) selalu bikin gue merasa harus melakukan sesuatu yang heboh, menjadi orang yang lebih baik, dll, seperti habis ikut kursus kepribadian atau seminar motivasi (not that I'm an expert on that). Sedangkan Ellen (dan Jimmy Kimmel...uh I love this guy!) nggak pretensius, hanya menghibur. Sudah.
6. Cermin dan timbangan. Mengira-ngira lagi apa makhluk mungil dalam perut gue, dan seberapa besar dia sekarang. Dan merasa semakin urgent untuk berbelanja baju dan celana baru, mengingat semakin sempitnya semua barang yang ada di lemari gue (well, unless I could be quite satisfied wearing my guy's boxers every single day, hihi).
7. Books, books, books. Nggak ada yang bisa membuat gue betah di rumah seharian selain tumpukan buku yang belum dibaca. Lemari buku kecil di apartemen gue sekarang udah nyaris penuh, dan sepertinya gue harus mulai berpikir mau ditaruh di mana koleksi gue itu...
8. Mal Taman Anggrek. Ini adalah pelipur lara gue, kalau gue bener-bener udah bosen nggak ketulungan. Dari dulu mal ini bukan favorit gue, tapi semenjak tinggal tepat di sebelahnya, ternyata gue menemukan beberapa toko kecil dengan barang murah meriah dan tempat makan yang menarik di sini.
9. Cuci piring, janjian sama tukang laundry, beberes rumah. Ini lebih seperti rutinitas sebenernya, bukan highlight dari hari-hari gue..Dan siapa bilang mencari laundry di apartemen itu gampang?? Memang banyak banget pilihan dengan harga bersaing, tapi selalu aja ada efek samping nggak menyenangkan yang gue alamin. (Kaos kaki yang nggak sama pasangannya, celana pendek yang ketuker sama punya orang lain, baju yang masih berbau nggak kering, atau lamaaa banget nggak selesai-selesai. Jadi, kalo ada yang mau buka laundry di daerah tanjung duren, sepertinya kesempatan masih terbuka lebar tuh, mengingat saingan-saingan yang nggak kompeten itu!)
10. Bales email, chat with my colleagues, calling my producer groups who I couldn't visit for now...Atau singkatnya, mengerjakan pekerjaan gue. Pekerjaan yang tadinya begitu penuh tantangan karena harus banyak bepergian ke tempat-tempat seru dan ketemu banyak orang baru, sekarang menjadi sangaaat membosankan karena hanya gue habiskan dari balik laptop akibat kondisi gue yang nggak mungkin untuk traveling ke pedesaan dan pedalaman. Kalau nggak inget gue masih butuh uangnya, rasanya udah pengen loncat aja ke kerjaan lain yang setidaknya nggak bikin gue bosen setengah mati (meskipun sempat khawatir, hmm kok Euro semakin hari semakin turun yaaaaa).
Dan itulah...hari-hari gue yang tidak terlampau produktif. Kadang ada hari-hari menyenangkan di mana gue ketemuan sama teman-teman lama, having a dinner date with my guy, or simply wandering around Jakarta. Tapi kok ya lama-lama gue mulai takut otak gue jadi berkarat.
I guess I really need something to stimulate my brain..And bring the adrenaline back. At least, if not physically, let it be cerebral-ly =)
Astrid at 4:02 PM Dilema
Pemilu legislatif kemaren adalah sebuah dilema buat gue. Udah sekitar 5 tahun terakhir ini gue selalu Golput setiap kali ada pemilu, mulai dari pemilu legislatif, pilpres, sampai pilkada-pilkada yang membingungkan itu.
Menurut gue, golput adalah pilihan yang simpel. Seperti kalau kita memutuskan untuk menjalankan hubungan tanpa status dengan seseorang, atau melakukan pekerjaan freelance. Tidak ada ikatan, tidak ada kekecewaan, dan apapun hasilnya, kita tidak merasa terlalu bertanggung jawab.
Tapi tahun ini, sesuatu mengusik hati gue. Tell me that I want to get involve more as a good citizen of this country, or that I simply just care. Tapi yang jelas, akhirnya gue memutuskan untuk memilih. Atau mencontreng, istilahnya sekarang.
Jadi, tanggal 9 April, gue pulang ke Bandung, karena nama gue masih terdaftar di sana, menghadapi gulungan kertas berisi nama-nama orang yang bahkan gue nggak tahu siapa,dan sempat membuat gue merasa menyesal dengan keputusan gue untuk nggak golput. Who are these people? What makes them think they could represent us and become our voice in the parliament? Dan percaya atau tidak, akhirnya gue malah dibisik-bisikin oleh nyokap gue, yang berada di bilik sebelah yang emang dirancang gampang buat contek-contekan.
Dan semuanya mulai terasa seperti dagelan konyol. Mencontreng orang yang bahkan gue nggak tahu siapa, mencelupkan jari gue kebanyakan ke dalam tinta (kuku gue masih berbercak ungu setelah 2 minggu!!), dan merasa sepertinya golput adalah pilihan yang lebih tepat.
Ternyata, kekecewaan terus berlanjut. Semakin mirip dagelan, membaca berita-berita setelah pemilu usai. Pemilih yang kehilangan hak suara di mana-mana, hasil rekap yang nggak selesai-selesai, artis-artis yang meraja di daerah-daerah, dan puncaknya, Roy Suryo sebagai anggota DPR!!! Gosh...
Menilik kekisruhan pencalonan capres-cawapres yang diwarnai terlalu banyak politik dagang sapi, rasanya kembali ke golput menjadi pilihan tepat di pilpres mendatang. Sigh.
Astrid at 9:17 PM Unpredictable
My life is sooo unpredictable, I didn't even try to really plan everything. I don't have a nice long term plan, a great answer when an interviewer ask me the question, "Where do you think you'll be in the next five years?" I usually just answered the question with any imaginative thing that happened to be in my mind that time.
I never plan where my career will take me, and I never plan how long will I stay in a particular job. I decided to jump into journalism world right after I graduated from college without any serious thinking. What I know was, I like writing, and journalism seemed like a good option. So I took the opportunity.
And when I decided it's time to move on and continue my study, I didn't really make a long list of my dream schools around the world, I just came to a studying abroad exhibition, falling in love with a particular program in the Netherland, and next time I know, I already did the tests and interviews, and ready to go.
So that's how I live my life. Just do whatever my guts told me, and try to enjoy it. Not without any regrets, of course. Sometimes when I think back of the older times, I wondered whether I will take a different path if I was given the chance.
When I got married, lots of my friends asked me the why question. Why do I want to get married, and why with this guy? And to tell you the truth, I don't have the right answer. For me, it's just about the time. I felt really comfortable to do it, and I ready to face all the consequences.
So when everybody keep asking me when will I have kid, I don't have many choices but to answer, I don't have any idea. I guess it's good to just wait a little bit, especially when my doctor told me that it might not gonna be easy, concerning my health history. So I think this time I will try to make a good plan, at least until everything and everybody (including me) is ready for that.
And just like that, one day, it happened. The two red lines in the test pack showed that I really couldn't plan anything. It's happening, we're having a baby!!!
But despite the fear and anxiety... I felt wonderful. This is really happening. The unpredictable, again, appearing in my life like a drop of rain in the middle of summer. It's very surprising, but it's a blessing.
Astrid at 1:43 PM Oscar
Paling seneng kalo jatoh bulan Februari, karena itu berarti saatnya film-film Oscar bertebaran. Belum lagi perhelatan Oscar-nya sendiri, yang biasanya selalu heboh dan suka memunculkan gosip-gosip seru seputar selebriti, termasuk fashion-nya.
Dan tahun ini, dengan konsep yang sedikit beda, ternyata Piala Oscar jadi lebih berkesan. Hugh Jackman yang baru pertama kali menjadi host acara ini, bisa membawa suasana segar dengan joke-joke yang nggak basi dan gaya Aussie-nya yang lucu (dan yang jelas, jauh lebih keren daripada aktingnya di film Australia).
Acaranya sendiri jauh lebih kekeluargaan dibanding tahun-tahun sebelumnya. Recognition oleh para aktor-aktris senior untuk setiap nominator aktor-aktris utama dan pendukung terbaik, ternyata membuat suasana lebih berkesan. Dan yang paling penting, nggak seperti tahun-tahun yang lalu, penerima penghargaan tahun ini semuanya dianggap layak oleh sebagian besar pihak, dan tidak menuai kontroversi dari kelompok yang tidak puas (termasuk Piala Oscar untuk almarhum Heath Ledger yang dianggap sangat-sangat tepat).
Meskipun gue sempet agak kaget dengan euphoria Slumdog Millionaire yang menyabet paling banyak piala tahun ini. Agak mengejutkan karena novel asli Slumdog tidak terlalu diapresiasi oleh para kritikus, dan jalan ceritanya dianggap terlalu mengada-ada. Tapi ternyata faktor humanis nya lah yang membuat para juri Oscar terkesan. Hollywood memang aneh.
Anyway, sekian dulu lah, masih banyak film Oscar yang mengantri untuk ditonton nih...=)
Astrid at 10:20 PM Commitment
I envy those people who have strong commitments and dedications in their lifes. Seriously.
Komitmen adalah satu hal yang sejak dulu nggak pernah jadi strong point gue. Gue selalu lemah. Whether it's in the relationship area (especially those involving the long distance thing!), or even in the career field.
Sejak kecil, dibesarkan dalam keluarga bermental insinyur, gue sudah diarahkan untuk mengambil jurusan IPA, lalu melanjutkan pendidikan tinggi di bidang teknik. Tapi apakah gue punya komitmen cukup untuk menjadi seorang insinyur yang baik? (despite my Sarjana Teknik degree, which sometimes could become handy, hehe)Tidak. begitu lulus, gue langsung terbang ke dunia jurnalisme, tanpa ada background apapun di bidang itu, terjun di tengah belantara politik, ke sana-sini mengejar berita. Dan begitu mulai merasa cukup menguasai sedikit tentang cara menulis berita, membuat headline, mengejar narasumber untuk wawancara, serta sedikit membelokkan pernyataan untuk mendapatkan bumbu-bumbu seru, apakah gue siap untuk merintis karir sebagai wartawan andal?
Tentu tidak. Gue nggak punya setengah aja dari dedikasi seorang jurnalis sejati. Jadi gue terbang ke negeri Belanda, mencicipi sedikit pendidikan di negara eks penjajah kita itu. Alih-alih mengambil jurusan media dan jurnalisme (the industrial engineering world was wayyyyy behind me then), gue malah nemplok di jurusan International Communication Management. Alasannya? Biar abis lulus bisa ke mana-mana. Yea. Speaking about commitment, right?
Dan benar saja. Bahkan dosen gue di sekolah itu sedikit bingung dengan pilihan-pilihan hidup gue. Sarjana Teknik, jadi wartawan, terus ambil manajemen komunikasi. Okaayyy...
Begitu lulus dan pulang ke Indonesia, tebak apa yang gue lakukan? Tipikal banget, karena akhirnya gue malah kembali ke dunia media, kali ini majalah hedon pula. Hahaha..Bergaul lah gue dengan para penulis muda berbakat, yang terobsesi ikut lomba penulisan artikel feature ini itu...Dan cukup membuat semangat menulis gue bangkit. Sepertinya inilah jalan hidup gue, begitu pikir gue saat itu.
Tapi...kondisi kantor yang nggak kondusif, akhirnya membuat gue memutuskan untuk pergi dari sana. Dedikasi gue belum sekuat itu ternyata...Dan mulailah gue terdampar di dunia freelancing, mengambil setiap kerjaan yang ditawarkan, dari mulai membuat advertorial sampai menjadi local assistant buat sebuah NGO.
Dan sampai akhirnya, NGO itu menawarkan gue untuk sebuah posisi full time. Menarik, begitu pikir gue. Karena melibatkan banyak traveling, bertemu orang-orang, dan belajar hal-hal baru. Dan mulailah gue bergaul dengan teman-teman gue dari berbagai belahan dunia, yang menurut gue memiliki sebuah kesamaan: dedikasi. Satu hal yang, lagi-lagi, masih belum bisa gue banggakan sebagai kekuatan gue. Menjadi seorang aktivis organisasi non profit adalah sebuah peran yang menarik, tapi menakutkan menurut gue. I can handle the traveling, the "helping people" part, or meeting the community from around the world. But to sacrifice my whole life for making world a better place? Ups. I don't think so. I like the idea of it. But to do it myself...I have to think a million times.
Jadi...inilah gue. Masih dalam kondisi non-commital dan undedicated. I envy my mum, who in her sixties is still dedicated to her job (and pursuing her Profesor title), or my dad, who lives his life to become one of the best civil engineers in our hometown, or my journalist friends, struggling for the news day after day, or my writer friends, trying to make something meaningful for everyone to read, or my friends in Fairtrade, who dedicated their lifes to contribute a bit in this world's mess.
And I keep thinking to myself...Why on earth don't I have half of their dedication and commitment to do something? Why is the boredom visiting me in such a short interval?
I have this conversation with one of my best friend, and all he said to me was,"Success is not defined by how long have you done something and be good at it, it's more about how you've done something that you love, even if there are more than one thing in that category. Because you'll never regret what you have done, you will only regret what you haven't done."
Well, that's kind of relieving. But the most important thing is, I think, cherish your life. No matter what other people do or say.
Astrid at 12:11 PM
Year of Change
In my family Christmas celebration almost a month ago, the preacher was asking us to count the blessings we had in the past 12 months of 2008. He asked us to close our eyes, counting one by one every single thing that was really mattered for us in that particular year. And I was astonished. Yes, it's true that I began 2008 with some complainings, from being hospitalized because of the dengue fever, to the resignation from my old job (love the job, hate the office!).
And I also tried to find my way through the year, working as a freelancer, trying this job and doing that job, sometimes feeling so insecure about my unclear employment status and my unstable bank account. But!!! To mention about all the blessings I had during that year, I felt guilty only to think that I've been complaining so much!
I have a wonderful family, who sticked with me through thick and thin, an amazing guy who's now also becoming my partner for life, and later, a great job with new people and challenges to know. Sometimes, we are too busy looking at the dark side, without realizing how lucky actually we are.
I ended 2008 with so many beautiful memories. I have a new family (and having my best friend as my sister in law!), a great wedding ceremony (and a nice party afterwards!), a new home (me and my guy were finally moving to an appartment in western Jakarta), a memorable honeymoon (I totally recommend Le Jardin, a very beautiful vila in Seminyak for those who plan to have a honeymoon), and a blasting new year with the whole Limtob family in Singapore. Woohoo!
For me every year is a year of change, but 2008 brought so many changes to my life. Not just giving a checkmark in "Married" box instead the "Single" one, but living the brand new life altogether. Sometimes I still got this weird feeling, when I woke up in the morning to see my guy lying right next to me (without those horrible feeling of, "Shit! What have I done last night???What's my mom going to say??), or how I really care about what's the cheapest brand of detergent. It's totally so un-me! (But true, that I still struggle to wake up early every morning to make tea for him, and go straight to bed after he's gone to work; or that sometimes I just spend all day watching Gossip Girl and forget to wash the piling dishes).
Sometimes, a year brings so many changes in our life, but I do believe that the most important change still comes from our inner self. So..happy 2009 to all of you, be it a healthy, wealthy, and memorable year =)
Astrid at 8:39 PM
He's one of my first idols ever...As a kid, I got nightmares after watching his video clip, Thriller. I learned to dance with his song, Beat It. I fell in love with his early style, the big glasses, golden suit, and curly hair.
I remembered skipping school to chase his Dangerous concert in Singapore. Only to get dissapointed because on the concert day, his performanced was canceled due to his health problems. So I waited another day. And it became one of the best concerts I've ever seen in my life. He proved that he was the real king of pop.
I regreted the media frenzy in his last days, bringing him down and down to the darkest side of him. The plastic surgeries, the marriage/baby phenomenon, and the scandals involving children.
Despite all the bad images, he never failed to amaze me. He's one of the greatest in our time. And I am very glad becoming a witness of his masterpieces.
Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night
Like A Sunset
Dying With The Rising Of The Moon
Gone Too Soon
Astrid at 7:10 PM The Daily 10
Bukan karena kebanyakan nonton E!Channel, tapi setiap orang pasti punya setidaknya 10 hal yang selalu ditemui sehari-hari, entah itu karena rutinitas yang sifatnya memaksa, atau pilihan yang disukai, atau malah sampai taraf kecanduan alias nggak bisa lepas dari hal tersebut.
Dan inilah kesepuluh highlight dalam hidup gue saat ini, a pregnant woman working from her appartment. One thing for sure, I miss those good old days with lots and lots of adventures!
1. Bangun jam setengah 6 pagi, hanya untuk nyiapin sarapan for my guy, biasanya setangkup roti dengan isi yang bervariasi udah cukup (simply because I'm too sleepy to do anything more complicated than that). Dan kembali tidur setelah melepas dia ke kantor. Fiuh. This is the time when I usually feel very grateful not to have working in office hour.
2. Menyalakan laptop saat jarum pendek jam sudah di atas angka 9. Mengecek email, ketawa-ketawa ngeliat status orang-orang di Facebook, dan blogwalking. (Sometimes, checking the news. But turned out it needs some scary-big-controversial news to make me open those news sites. Like the one with AA and RJ in it. Or Barca vs MU. Or simply some juicy infotainment junks).
3. americanidol.com. Situs yang rasanya nggak pernah absen untuk dibuka di saat show ini memasuki bulan-bulan serunya. Just thinking about Adam Lambert can cheer my days up!
4. Menu-menu restoran delivery yang berada di sekitar kompleks apartemen. Pilihan luar biasa banyak ini malah kadang membuat bingung, dan biasanya gue berakhir dengan perasaan kangen teramat sangat sama masakan rumah. Perkedel kentang dengan sayur asem dan daging sambal balado. Nyam nyam. Home sweet home. (Tapi sayangnya keinginan itu belum cukup kuat untuk membuat gue mulai menyingsingkan lengan baju dan menjajah dapur mungil gue).
5. Ellen DeGeneres show. Hmm...membuat siang-siang lebih menyegarkan dengan segala kegilaan dan kekocakannya. Gue suka sama Oprah, tapi nonton Oprah tiap hari (atau baca majalahnya tiap bulan) selalu bikin gue merasa harus melakukan sesuatu yang heboh, menjadi orang yang lebih baik, dll, seperti habis ikut kursus kepribadian atau seminar motivasi (not that I'm an expert on that). Sedangkan Ellen (dan Jimmy Kimmel...uh I love this guy!) nggak pretensius, hanya menghibur. Sudah.
6. Cermin dan timbangan. Mengira-ngira lagi apa makhluk mungil dalam perut gue, dan seberapa besar dia sekarang. Dan merasa semakin urgent untuk berbelanja baju dan celana baru, mengingat semakin sempitnya semua barang yang ada di lemari gue (well, unless I could be quite satisfied wearing my guy's boxers every single day, hihi).
7. Books, books, books. Nggak ada yang bisa membuat gue betah di rumah seharian selain tumpukan buku yang belum dibaca. Lemari buku kecil di apartemen gue sekarang udah nyaris penuh, dan sepertinya gue harus mulai berpikir mau ditaruh di mana koleksi gue itu...
8. Mal Taman Anggrek. Ini adalah pelipur lara gue, kalau gue bener-bener udah bosen nggak ketulungan. Dari dulu mal ini bukan favorit gue, tapi semenjak tinggal tepat di sebelahnya, ternyata gue menemukan beberapa toko kecil dengan barang murah meriah dan tempat makan yang menarik di sini.
9. Cuci piring, janjian sama tukang laundry, beberes rumah. Ini lebih seperti rutinitas sebenernya, bukan highlight dari hari-hari gue..Dan siapa bilang mencari laundry di apartemen itu gampang?? Memang banyak banget pilihan dengan harga bersaing, tapi selalu aja ada efek samping nggak menyenangkan yang gue alamin. (Kaos kaki yang nggak sama pasangannya, celana pendek yang ketuker sama punya orang lain, baju yang masih berbau nggak kering, atau lamaaa banget nggak selesai-selesai. Jadi, kalo ada yang mau buka laundry di daerah tanjung duren, sepertinya kesempatan masih terbuka lebar tuh, mengingat saingan-saingan yang nggak kompeten itu!)
10. Bales email, chat with my colleagues, calling my producer groups who I couldn't visit for now...Atau singkatnya, mengerjakan pekerjaan gue. Pekerjaan yang tadinya begitu penuh tantangan karena harus banyak bepergian ke tempat-tempat seru dan ketemu banyak orang baru, sekarang menjadi sangaaat membosankan karena hanya gue habiskan dari balik laptop akibat kondisi gue yang nggak mungkin untuk traveling ke pedesaan dan pedalaman. Kalau nggak inget gue masih butuh uangnya, rasanya udah pengen loncat aja ke kerjaan lain yang setidaknya nggak bikin gue bosen setengah mati (meskipun sempat khawatir, hmm kok Euro semakin hari semakin turun yaaaaa).
Dan itulah...hari-hari gue yang tidak terlampau produktif. Kadang ada hari-hari menyenangkan di mana gue ketemuan sama teman-teman lama, having a dinner date with my guy, or simply wandering around Jakarta. Tapi kok ya lama-lama gue mulai takut otak gue jadi berkarat.
I guess I really need something to stimulate my brain..And bring the adrenaline back. At least, if not physically, let it be cerebral-ly =)
Astrid at 4:02 PM Dilema
Pemilu legislatif kemaren adalah sebuah dilema buat gue. Udah sekitar 5 tahun terakhir ini gue selalu Golput setiap kali ada pemilu, mulai dari pemilu legislatif, pilpres, sampai pilkada-pilkada yang membingungkan itu.
Menurut gue, golput adalah pilihan yang simpel. Seperti kalau kita memutuskan untuk menjalankan hubungan tanpa status dengan seseorang, atau melakukan pekerjaan freelance. Tidak ada ikatan, tidak ada kekecewaan, dan apapun hasilnya, kita tidak merasa terlalu bertanggung jawab.
Tapi tahun ini, sesuatu mengusik hati gue. Tell me that I want to get involve more as a good citizen of this country, or that I simply just care. Tapi yang jelas, akhirnya gue memutuskan untuk memilih. Atau mencontreng, istilahnya sekarang.
Jadi, tanggal 9 April, gue pulang ke Bandung, karena nama gue masih terdaftar di sana, menghadapi gulungan kertas berisi nama-nama orang yang bahkan gue nggak tahu siapa,dan sempat membuat gue merasa menyesal dengan keputusan gue untuk nggak golput. Who are these people? What makes them think they could represent us and become our voice in the parliament? Dan percaya atau tidak, akhirnya gue malah dibisik-bisikin oleh nyokap gue, yang berada di bilik sebelah yang emang dirancang gampang buat contek-contekan.
Dan semuanya mulai terasa seperti dagelan konyol. Mencontreng orang yang bahkan gue nggak tahu siapa, mencelupkan jari gue kebanyakan ke dalam tinta (kuku gue masih berbercak ungu setelah 2 minggu!!), dan merasa sepertinya golput adalah pilihan yang lebih tepat.
Ternyata, kekecewaan terus berlanjut. Semakin mirip dagelan, membaca berita-berita setelah pemilu usai. Pemilih yang kehilangan hak suara di mana-mana, hasil rekap yang nggak selesai-selesai, artis-artis yang meraja di daerah-daerah, dan puncaknya, Roy Suryo sebagai anggota DPR!!! Gosh...
Menilik kekisruhan pencalonan capres-cawapres yang diwarnai terlalu banyak politik dagang sapi, rasanya kembali ke golput menjadi pilihan tepat di pilpres mendatang. Sigh.
Astrid at 9:17 PM Unpredictable
My life is sooo unpredictable, I didn't even try to really plan everything. I don't have a nice long term plan, a great answer when an interviewer ask me the question, "Where do you think you'll be in the next five years?" I usually just answered the question with any imaginative thing that happened to be in my mind that time.
I never plan where my career will take me, and I never plan how long will I stay in a particular job. I decided to jump into journalism world right after I graduated from college without any serious thinking. What I know was, I like writing, and journalism seemed like a good option. So I took the opportunity.
And when I decided it's time to move on and continue my study, I didn't really make a long list of my dream schools around the world, I just came to a studying abroad exhibition, falling in love with a particular program in the Netherland, and next time I know, I already did the tests and interviews, and ready to go.
So that's how I live my life. Just do whatever my guts told me, and try to enjoy it. Not without any regrets, of course. Sometimes when I think back of the older times, I wondered whether I will take a different path if I was given the chance.
When I got married, lots of my friends asked me the why question. Why do I want to get married, and why with this guy? And to tell you the truth, I don't have the right answer. For me, it's just about the time. I felt really comfortable to do it, and I ready to face all the consequences.
So when everybody keep asking me when will I have kid, I don't have many choices but to answer, I don't have any idea. I guess it's good to just wait a little bit, especially when my doctor told me that it might not gonna be easy, concerning my health history. So I think this time I will try to make a good plan, at least until everything and everybody (including me) is ready for that.
And just like that, one day, it happened. The two red lines in the test pack showed that I really couldn't plan anything. It's happening, we're having a baby!!!
But despite the fear and anxiety... I felt wonderful. This is really happening. The unpredictable, again, appearing in my life like a drop of rain in the middle of summer. It's very surprising, but it's a blessing.
Astrid at 1:43 PM Oscar
Paling seneng kalo jatoh bulan Februari, karena itu berarti saatnya film-film Oscar bertebaran. Belum lagi perhelatan Oscar-nya sendiri, yang biasanya selalu heboh dan suka memunculkan gosip-gosip seru seputar selebriti, termasuk fashion-nya.
Dan tahun ini, dengan konsep yang sedikit beda, ternyata Piala Oscar jadi lebih berkesan. Hugh Jackman yang baru pertama kali menjadi host acara ini, bisa membawa suasana segar dengan joke-joke yang nggak basi dan gaya Aussie-nya yang lucu (dan yang jelas, jauh lebih keren daripada aktingnya di film Australia).
Acaranya sendiri jauh lebih kekeluargaan dibanding tahun-tahun sebelumnya. Recognition oleh para aktor-aktris senior untuk setiap nominator aktor-aktris utama dan pendukung terbaik, ternyata membuat suasana lebih berkesan. Dan yang paling penting, nggak seperti tahun-tahun yang lalu, penerima penghargaan tahun ini semuanya dianggap layak oleh sebagian besar pihak, dan tidak menuai kontroversi dari kelompok yang tidak puas (termasuk Piala Oscar untuk almarhum Heath Ledger yang dianggap sangat-sangat tepat).
Meskipun gue sempet agak kaget dengan euphoria Slumdog Millionaire yang menyabet paling banyak piala tahun ini. Agak mengejutkan karena novel asli Slumdog tidak terlalu diapresiasi oleh para kritikus, dan jalan ceritanya dianggap terlalu mengada-ada. Tapi ternyata faktor humanis nya lah yang membuat para juri Oscar terkesan. Hollywood memang aneh.
Anyway, sekian dulu lah, masih banyak film Oscar yang mengantri untuk ditonton nih...=)
Astrid at 10:20 PM Commitment
I envy those people who have strong commitments and dedications in their lifes. Seriously.
Komitmen adalah satu hal yang sejak dulu nggak pernah jadi strong point gue. Gue selalu lemah. Whether it's in the relationship area (especially those involving the long distance thing!), or even in the career field.
Sejak kecil, dibesarkan dalam keluarga bermental insinyur, gue sudah diarahkan untuk mengambil jurusan IPA, lalu melanjutkan pendidikan tinggi di bidang teknik. Tapi apakah gue punya komitmen cukup untuk menjadi seorang insinyur yang baik? (despite my Sarjana Teknik degree, which sometimes could become handy, hehe)Tidak. begitu lulus, gue langsung terbang ke dunia jurnalisme, tanpa ada background apapun di bidang itu, terjun di tengah belantara politik, ke sana-sini mengejar berita. Dan begitu mulai merasa cukup menguasai sedikit tentang cara menulis berita, membuat headline, mengejar narasumber untuk wawancara, serta sedikit membelokkan pernyataan untuk mendapatkan bumbu-bumbu seru, apakah gue siap untuk merintis karir sebagai wartawan andal?
Tentu tidak. Gue nggak punya setengah aja dari dedikasi seorang jurnalis sejati. Jadi gue terbang ke negeri Belanda, mencicipi sedikit pendidikan di negara eks penjajah kita itu. Alih-alih mengambil jurusan media dan jurnalisme (the industrial engineering world was wayyyyy behind me then), gue malah nemplok di jurusan International Communication Management. Alasannya? Biar abis lulus bisa ke mana-mana. Yea. Speaking about commitment, right?
Dan benar saja. Bahkan dosen gue di sekolah itu sedikit bingung dengan pilihan-pilihan hidup gue. Sarjana Teknik, jadi wartawan, terus ambil manajemen komunikasi. Okaayyy...
Begitu lulus dan pulang ke Indonesia, tebak apa yang gue lakukan? Tipikal banget, karena akhirnya gue malah kembali ke dunia media, kali ini majalah hedon pula. Hahaha..Bergaul lah gue dengan para penulis muda berbakat, yang terobsesi ikut lomba penulisan artikel feature ini itu...Dan cukup membuat semangat menulis gue bangkit. Sepertinya inilah jalan hidup gue, begitu pikir gue saat itu.
Tapi...kondisi kantor yang nggak kondusif, akhirnya membuat gue memutuskan untuk pergi dari sana. Dedikasi gue belum sekuat itu ternyata...Dan mulailah gue terdampar di dunia freelancing, mengambil setiap kerjaan yang ditawarkan, dari mulai membuat advertorial sampai menjadi local assistant buat sebuah NGO.
Dan sampai akhirnya, NGO itu menawarkan gue untuk sebuah posisi full time. Menarik, begitu pikir gue. Karena melibatkan banyak traveling, bertemu orang-orang, dan belajar hal-hal baru. Dan mulailah gue bergaul dengan teman-teman gue dari berbagai belahan dunia, yang menurut gue memiliki sebuah kesamaan: dedikasi. Satu hal yang, lagi-lagi, masih belum bisa gue banggakan sebagai kekuatan gue. Menjadi seorang aktivis organisasi non profit adalah sebuah peran yang menarik, tapi menakutkan menurut gue. I can handle the traveling, the "helping people" part, or meeting the community from around the world. But to sacrifice my whole life for making world a better place? Ups. I don't think so. I like the idea of it. But to do it myself...I have to think a million times.
Jadi...inilah gue. Masih dalam kondisi non-commital dan undedicated. I envy my mum, who in her sixties is still dedicated to her job (and pursuing her Profesor title), or my dad, who lives his life to become one of the best civil engineers in our hometown, or my journalist friends, struggling for the news day after day, or my writer friends, trying to make something meaningful for everyone to read, or my friends in Fairtrade, who dedicated their lifes to contribute a bit in this world's mess.
And I keep thinking to myself...Why on earth don't I have half of their dedication and commitment to do something? Why is the boredom visiting me in such a short interval?
I have this conversation with one of my best friend, and all he said to me was,"Success is not defined by how long have you done something and be good at it, it's more about how you've done something that you love, even if there are more than one thing in that category. Because you'll never regret what you have done, you will only regret what you haven't done."
Well, that's kind of relieving. But the most important thing is, I think, cherish your life. No matter what other people do or say.
Astrid at 12:11 PM
Year of Change
In my family Christmas celebration almost a month ago, the preacher was asking us to count the blessings we had in the past 12 months of 2008. He asked us to close our eyes, counting one by one every single thing that was really mattered for us in that particular year. And I was astonished. Yes, it's true that I began 2008 with some complainings, from being hospitalized because of the dengue fever, to the resignation from my old job (love the job, hate the office!).
And I also tried to find my way through the year, working as a freelancer, trying this job and doing that job, sometimes feeling so insecure about my unclear employment status and my unstable bank account. But!!! To mention about all the blessings I had during that year, I felt guilty only to think that I've been complaining so much!
I have a wonderful family, who sticked with me through thick and thin, an amazing guy who's now also becoming my partner for life, and later, a great job with new people and challenges to know. Sometimes, we are too busy looking at the dark side, without realizing how lucky actually we are.
I ended 2008 with so many beautiful memories. I have a new family (and having my best friend as my sister in law!), a great wedding ceremony (and a nice party afterwards!), a new home (me and my guy were finally moving to an appartment in western Jakarta), a memorable honeymoon (I totally recommend Le Jardin, a very beautiful vila in Seminyak for those who plan to have a honeymoon), and a blasting new year with the whole Limtob family in Singapore. Woohoo!
For me every year is a year of change, but 2008 brought so many changes to my life. Not just giving a checkmark in "Married" box instead the "Single" one, but living the brand new life altogether. Sometimes I still got this weird feeling, when I woke up in the morning to see my guy lying right next to me (without those horrible feeling of, "Shit! What have I done last night???What's my mom going to say??), or how I really care about what's the cheapest brand of detergent. It's totally so un-me! (But true, that I still struggle to wake up early every morning to make tea for him, and go straight to bed after he's gone to work; or that sometimes I just spend all day watching Gossip Girl and forget to wash the piling dishes).
Sometimes, a year brings so many changes in our life, but I do believe that the most important change still comes from our inner self. So..happy 2009 to all of you, be it a healthy, wealthy, and memorable year =)
Astrid at 8:39 PM
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